Ain't fun

I don't think it's funny anymore, you know? How I think about you, literally, all day.

When I wake up I wonder where you are, if you are done with work, if you are going to speed or not, if you are listening to something on your way home, if you said good bye to anyone else but Nikita; when I wake up and you are there on my screen I try to guess when you fell asleep and if you are having a delicious rest, I catch myself thinking I would like to see you twitch.

When I'm at work all I can imagine is you walking next to me, making me feel taller. I daydream about what you would say, what joke you'd make, what suggestion you'd have. Even at lunch. At lunch I crave your company. I wish you were there so we can look down on people that really don't deserve it.

When I'm driving I want you to be there so I can show you everything, so you can see what I see and I wonder if you feel the same way. I don't have to wonder for long, tho. Because I know you do, I know you want me there just as bad.

When I go out with my friends, I curse the life that made me be so far away from you. I fantasize constantly with you living here and hanging out with me and my friends all the time.

It's not funny, you see?

To feel this constant void, this "I miss you" that never seems to go away

To feel this constant sensation of fullness. All this love running through me day and night, it's so tiring, so tiring to hide it. So tiring to hold in. And when I finally get a chance to tell you, to show you, it's so hard to express its entirety.

I can make the cutest sounds and the tiniest voice. I can hug you and kiss you. Doesn't matter. I still shake. Shake with all the love about to burst the fuck outta me.

It's not funny to be frustated at night because I don't want to sleep alone.

It's funny when I see a person falls ridiculously, or to see Zuri running around like she's a mad rabid cat; it's funny when the stituations are out of this world and when I hear a fart.

"Funny" is that ephimeral, short period of time when I produce a laugh.

But is not "Funny" waiting for that moment in your life when you finally will be able to live with person you want, nor that immeasurable happiness when you look at a picture of that perfect creature that life created just for you.

It's not funny,

It's not funny anymore.

It's love.

♡