♡X29

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MY ONE AND ONLY MONKEY KING ♕!

Booze, fries, pizza and coldis showers to celebrate 29 years on this Earth! I love you my old mang!!!

♡X28

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MY ONE AND ONLY MONKEY KING ♕!

It's been a year since I wrote in here. Busy year, huh? Last year I spent a weekend with you in your house in Pyne with you friends and family. So many things have changed since then: We moved to Germany, I've been going to school for a year, we visited Venice, Pisa, Florence and Rome together. We got a cactus and planted tiny potatoes and you got shingles haha. We've been building our tiny life. 

You can celebrate this birthday however you want to. You're entitled to that. You can drink, you can party, you can chose to do nothing. You can tell me how you think is vane and how much you dislike it. That's fine... I'll be here... I'll be there, celebrating your birthday my way. Celebrating the year I spent next to you, celebrating the things we've done, the plans of the things yet to come. I'll be celebrating the fact that it has been 10 months since I'm waking up next to you. I'll celebrate that for another year, the decisions you took, and the things that you lived made you into the person I love. I'll celebrate that you are alive, and that we found each other. I'll celebrate that I'm happy because you are next to me, and I'll toast to the thought of me making YOU happy. 

I love you my one true Monkey King.

♡X27

It's been over a year since I started this blog. Over a year since I commenced this little secret present. I started not knowing when I was going to let you know, but your 27th birthday makes so much sense.

27 entries for 27 years

It's not only that I love how perfect that sounds, but also because when I asked around for advice as to when to give this link to you, people made a point: Feelings can expire. It sounds rough and unlike us, but they have a point. Maybe in 5 years, the first couple of entries will sound childish, maybe in 3 years my feelings matured and what I wrote to you in here is not longer 100% what I evolved to feel. So, that said, I hereby confirm that to this date, all the entries contained in this blog are true to my feelings, and in a clear state of my mind and in possesion of all my faculties I state that I FUCKING LOVE YOU and nothing makes me happier in this life than being with you.

So, here: *Lifts glass* For another year in my Monkey's life, for 365 days of precious memories and love, and *Lifts glass higher* for the year ahead of us and all the adventures to come. Cheers, God bless my one true love, and...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MY ONE AND ONLY MONKEY KING ♕!

iii

It's only natural that I've been thinking so much about us in Germany lately. Now that is practically a reality. I don't get tired of the image of us walking on the wet pavement making fun of how Germans sound, us getting groceries trying to figure out if that can is actually beans or not. Taking pictures at weird advertisements and drinking german beer while we watch a movie in our tiny apartment.

I mostly imagine the tranquil, peaceful live that we would live if we were spoiled little brats that got away with their parent's money hahaha. Reality is such a bitch. Homework and classes will be such a bitch. Wanting to travel, but wanting to rest will be such a bitch. And finding a home will be a very special bitch. I don't want to struggle through all of this with anyone other than you.

I know sometimes I tell you I don't like your answers and how I didn't need to hear something. But you gotta realize that if someone else says anything slightly similar I usually bite their head off. And this is not me trying to sound like I put up with you, but rather how you sole presence calms me.

There is something about you that makes me feel that if I fail, you will be there to help me make a last effort or to do it for me. Is an incredible feeling I've never had. I can count on you, for real. Even if sometimes your optimism makes you slow hahah.

Anyway, one of the main things that excites me about Germany is you. Knowing that I'm gonna be able to sleep with you every single night. I can go out and eat with my husband whenever I feel like to, do posh and mundane stuff with you. Just you. So, thank you for keeping your promise.

 After 20 months, you are still willing to go to a different continent with me and I still can't believe it.
Maybe back then they were easy words, easy promises. Doesn't matter what they WERE, really. We pulled through... so far hahah.

Thank you for supporting my dreams. Thank you for the sacrifice, the compromise, the help and ever lasting love you have given me in this horrible travesy through the Sea of Papers and the Land of Tasks where the horrible Stress Creatures live.

I hope I am to you what you are to me, and that you know I'd follow you anywhere too. Because when of us grow, the other one does too. Individually but also together since the fulfillment and reward are for both... Or something like that said the lady that officiated our wedding. And those words, as generic as they sound, are true. And everything you have implied is too. And everything that is mine, is yours and vice versa. And when we strive and thrive, we thrive for two.


So in this happy note, let us buckle up and tackle down whatever is infront of us in the next two months to come.

For what it was, what it is, and what will be ~
I love you, gorgeous
♡

Weird Little Love Story

There was once a lovely Peanut. She was the fairest Peanut in the Land, and coincidentally, she was the youngest ruling Peanut of her Kingdom. One day, a Monkey strolled into her Palace. 

-Oh! Hi, Monkey! Didn't see you there- She greeted the Monkey.

So the Monkey bent his knee and said -AAH OOH OH OH!- because Monkeys cannot speak english. But, the Peanut loved him anyway and they lived happily ever after.

THE END

Hahaha Remember this story, my one true Monkey Count? This is the story of how we met... If we consider the Train Yard a Palace and well... yeah. The rest of it is true, so...

I love all your stories and songs -I especially love your songs- they are food for my soul. I like to nurture my soul in case you want to feed from it from my nostrils. But, joking aside: I truly appreciate all the time you spend talking to me the way you do, being so warm and soft around me, so patient. I love your imagination. It's so ridiculous and that's why we do the matchy-match. I love your voice when it does the talking and singing tahms. Aww de tahm.

Before you I could only imagine how fulfillment would feel. Before you there was only expectations and empty plans. I never thought I could find someone who was that perfect amalgam my brain imagined, but life has mysterious ways, my Monkey. And the ways that life has to tell me I hit the jackpot is when a handsome man translates "AAH OOH OH!" into "I want bananas and if you don't give them to me now, I will throw poop at you". That was the sign I was waiting all along, I just didn't know until that moment.

Keep being the magic man you are, Cody. Keep being a poop-throwing Monkey. Stay by my side and NEVER stop singing, my love. For my days are forever brighter when your delightful voice is in them.

I love you, my one and only Monkey Count.

♡

Rough week

Monday 11th:

I MISS YOU

I MISS YOU 

I MISS YOU

...Did that work? Did my Monkey magically teleport? No? This is gonna be a very rough week

Tuesday 12th:

I always tell you how sleepy you sound when I call you in the mornings.

I love hearing from you very early in my day. Specially if you sound sleepy, although I hate waking you up, oh the conundrum 

I know I already told you all of this, but lately I've been needing that voice way more. I need it to start my day. I feel so empty, not ready and shaky without my Monkey sounds

Wednesday 13th:

Today was one of those weird days when the alarm actually woke me up. Do you know that feeling of not being up to the task of being a human? Want to do nothing forever? And then think is only Wednesday and hate your life? And feel lonely cause you woke up alone? No Monkey beside you to complain to and kiss? I feel like that. Like I'm just fooling myself and I should be with you and not here. I love you, I adore you and I will call you in just a few cause I fucking need you.

Thursday 14th:

Didn't rest at all and we were disconnected. I hate coming come late and not being able to hang out with you. We rarely do that anymore. We have terrible schedules. I'm not worried tho, cause when I visit we have a great tahm.

I don't want to wake you up calling you on Hangouts, leave you on for 20 min and then call you again on Whatsapp, so I'll call you when I'm ready. In the meantime I can only imagine you and your sleepy poses and sounds that I lobe.

Mm... I fucking hate hanging up. Is never enough. It's not fair waking you up, to start with. Even less, keep you awake for more than you already do, and yet I still want more Monkey every morning :(

Friday 15th:

I'm sorry I haven't been around during the afternoon. It feels weird, you know? Not having enough Monkey, that is. I don't like the feeling, it drags me away from you. BUT OI! Hearing your sleepy face takes me to incredible, sweet places. It's just so cute!

Every week is a rough week when I don't have my monkey next to me
I love you
♡

Will death do us part?

I just finished Demolition, the movie with Jake Gyllenhaal. Got me thinking about you dying.. again.

Is weird how much I think about your death. I think I had already told you. But, anyway. It got me thinking about how painful the death of a loved one is. I haven't felt it, I can only imagine. 

I often imagine you're gone and I can't breathe. I picture how life would be without you. I had imagined your death at, both, a young and an old age. If you die young, it gives me all the excuses I need to become batshit crazy and be a hot widow at the same time. If you die old, I just become a poor old lady, although I would have all the excuses to die of sadness. But either way, I'd cry you the same ocean. I'd cry over the pages of the Silmarillion and I'd have that book burnt with me. I'd cry over your shirts and over your deodorant. My world would stop rotating, because you are my Sun.

Odd enough, I like thinking about that incredible pain. It reassures me just HOW MUCH I love you, how much I need you and how linked my life is with yours.

I promise I'd be the kind of widow that keeps all of your clothes hung, and your books in the same place where you left them. I'd probably wear your clothes, tho. I'm sorry but imma miss you, motherfucker!

You claim you are healthier than me, and I hope you are right. I hope you don't ever get sick and die of it. Is better to have a quick death.... wait... just don't die. 

Anywho, I was thinking if is harder to let go of people you chose to love, or people you inherently love like parents or kids. But then I realize I can't answer that question. At first I didn't choose to feel this way for you, it just happened. I just loved you one day. And I still do, but now is a combination of choosing you and just doing it. Is weird to explain and I suck at it. But what I want to say is that you will create, by far, the worst void in my life if you ever die before me. So just don't. I couldn't bear life without you here.  You have given me so much already, but I stop and think about how you'd keep on giving me strength, warmth and love for so many years that is almost inconceivable to picture that great loss. You'd always be in my mind. I don't think death can do us part. Either it takes me too, or I suffer for ages until is time. But you will never leave my mind, my heart or my spirit.

I love you
♡