I'm not longer alone

In my life there's been no one like him. Anywhere, anywhere where he is. If he asked, I'd be his...In my life, there is some who touches my life. Waiting near, waiting here...

I remember those first days together, when you claimed you were sure you loved me more than I loved you. I will admit that at some point I believed you, and grew scared. I didn't want you to love me more, I wanted to love you just as much, but what if I wasn't capable of such love? 

What a naive little peanut I was.

In my life there has been so many tough decisions. Tough for me because I tend to over analyze and predict the worst possible outcome. And because, just like everyone else, I get lost in life sometimes. Being like this has filled me up with doubts. Every decision is a struggle. You saw it when I tried to make any decision regarding my future Master. I'm aware this makes me somewhat indecisive. And because of that I have chosen things I thought I wanted, and I had so many other precious things go because I thought I didn't need them. But time passed by and allowed me to realize how wrong I had been. 

But I have learned. And if being with Ferdinand taught me something, was to understand how I never want to feel ever again. I understood how being in love might blind you, and how only time can really help you understand a person.

Today at work I said I was sure I was gonna end up marrying you and they got startled at my certainty. And it's almost ironic how the single most important decision I had made yet: the one involving the one person I'm gonna share the rest of my years with, is the easiest one.

We were thinking about marriage just weeks after we started dating. And even back then I said yes, I just knew how the love of my live was right there waiting for me, bursting like the music of angels, the light of the sun. And I felt how my life seemed to stop as if something was over and something was scarcely beginning, and how I soared through a world that was new that was free. 

This much happiness, this much certainty is so new to me. and I find myself with the biggest smile stretched all over my face when I think about being with you forever. Fuck the courthouse, and fuck the church. I don't need them to know that our love is real and everlasting.

I'm so happy to share all the years ahead of us with you, my one true Monkey.

I love you more than I ever loved before. More than I thought I could.

♡

Fighto!

✧We have our nose piercings on different sides
✧You have curly hair, mine is straight
✧You are a puppy, I'm a kitten
✧You like terror, I'm a scaredy cat
✧You like working out at home or outside and by yourself, I wish someone went to the gym with me
✧You wanted kids, I didn't
✧You drink tee, I like coffee
✧You are always warm, I'm always cold
✧You prefer hard liquor, I rather drink beer
✧You like Elementary, I'm a Sherlock fan
✧You are the biggest geek, I'm a different breed of nerd.
✧You usually sleep less than 8 hours, I can only sleep more than 9
✧You have ADD, I love organization
✧You love to eat spicy food, I'm the worst Mexican
✧You have always been comfortable with commitment, I had an anxiety attack
✧You always wash your hands, I'm lucky if peer pressure makes me do it
✧You have the cutest legs, I have the cutest shoulders
✧YOU SNORE AND I DON'T
✧But, I drool and you don't... as often
✧We are from different countries
✧Our mother tongue is not the same
✧You are from the 80's, I was born in the 90's
✧Your family is weird and "alternative, my family is as plain as it can be
✧You buy me things, I make you things
✧You love to sing,  I love to dance
✧You tend to like, my nature is to hate
✧...You love ME, and I love YOU


There are a lot of things that make us opposite, but all of our differences are so easily dismissed when we compare them to the things we share. I didn't need more than a couple days with you to tell that we shared what was actually important. Sharing the same points of view on difficult subjects, feeling the same way about humanity and life and having so much respect and love for each other make every single difference or problem completely tiny. There is no obstacle we can't tackle, and while doing so the thought of breaking up doesn't even crosses our minds. We are in this together -Like High School Musical said.

We are halves of an orange. And we fit, even if we have our seeds in different places.
I couldn't be happier with someone else. You share my opinions and yet you make me grow by being unique and liking different things.
I love you, Count
♡

*Puppy sounds*

I love taking you with me when I drive. I mean, I take you everywhere, but it's when I'm driving when I allow myself to talk to you. I often catch myself answering your hypothetical questions out loud, making tiny sounds or just letting you know where we are going. Just like today, I told you how it was gonna be a big pain in the ass to find where to park and I wasn't sure where we had to go but we would figure it out.

I always do things with you by my side. I go shopping, walk the sidewalks, wonder what you could possibly want from the Oxxo.

I do it invariably. It's the consequence of loving you and missing you so goddamn much. I'm pretty sure you do the same thing. We are the same thing. The same soul. And now we finally put a face to the voice in our minds that always cares, always asks. I got a gorgeous Monkey on the back of my mind to keep me safe and aware, feeling loved and warm, and smiling at all tahms.

I love the tiny Monkey bebeh face, so gorgeous yih. *Puppy sounds*

Ah mua!

♡

ii

I should be writing an essay right now, but is far easier to write to you.

It has only been a week since the last time I left Las Cruces, but it surely doesn't feel like it.

It has been one of the longest weeks I've ever had. I feel I miss you constantly, I feel I need you all the time. I want to be laying next to you in your bed all day. I want to be smothered my your aroma and warm in your company.

I know you're trying to visit soon, and it just not soon enough. I don't even have money to take you out, or money to go visit you more than once, but I don't care. I'd beg for money if that's what it takes to be beside you.

I have a headache. I couldn't sleep properly today and I'm paying for it. My favorite way to cope with it is imagining being in your room. So warm, so cozy, so comfy. Feeling loved and loving you back.

That's is usually the thought that gets me through the days.

I know you have images like that to get you through your own nightmares. I also know you're not having a good day and I hope it gets better.

I love you so much. Beyond belief.

I miss you to the point where I feel I'll suffocate in this air that can't touch you.

I adore you. Forever.

♡

We spin around the same Sun, honey.

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, MONKEY FACE ♕!

As soon as you got home, around midnight when the 9th was still young, you said happy anniversary. I know you have been thinking about it as often as I have and that's why I love you!

We shaved together and then you gave me a leggy massage, we sleepis cuddling and I woke you up like a kitty. You told me your weird dream where my favorite restaurant was a generic Chinese restaurant and also a moffler shop. We went to your parent's house and I met your grandma and the kitties. We played Plague Inc on brutal and won 4 tahms. We did laundry and had boneless wings and beer for dinner. It was a non-traditional anniversary but I really enjoyed it... a lot. 

Being here for those 2 weeks made me so happy. I got to be where my bebeh sleeps, where my bebeh looks at me when he calls me. I got to be here for him when he comes back from work. 

I only have 3 days left here and I know I'm going to miss you so fucking much, specially if I don't get to see you again on early January. Starting the year alone is never fun. And I know we are both very happy for making it through this past year, but we are not very enthusiastic about doing it again for 10 more months... that's is everything goes as expected. I know it has been, and will be hard... but oh well, I'm not gonna just stop loving you, am I?

This first year with you was definitely, without a doubt, the fastest year I had ever lived. You make time slips by, 'cause I enjoy myself so much when I get to be around you.

I can wait to accumulate so many years together and be forever by your side. 

I love you, Monkey Pipi. I love your looks, your voice, your cute sounds, your humor, your body, your mind. I love you so so so much. Thank you for being so brave and for never minding the distance. I know it hurts and it's not ideal, but it will be over soon enough.

Love you with all I am, ahmua!

♡

1804 Wyoming Av. Apt. 34

I've been waiting for the past couple of days for Facebook to "remind" me about our 1-year anniversary and instead I got this:

In case you don't understand, it's been exactly 1 year since we became friends on Facebook. ONE YEAR! Last year's November 21st was Friday. The Friday prior to leaving LC for the Thanksgiving break. The Friday I went to Japanese class, grabbed some cookies for you and sneaked into your apartment. 

I have very fond memories of that place. It smelled different, you know? I loved the smell. I can still sense it from time to time. 

I cuddled with you for a while and managed to fall asleep again, and then I had to excuse myself 'cause allegedly we were leaving around 1. We ended up leaving at 3 or so, I remember just thinking that I could be hanging out with you

We were already so in love.

I miss that place. Maybe it wasn't a bed were only you and me had laid, but I love the atmosphere, the perfect amount o light for the space. I miss the times I straddled you and felt like a teenager -Those times aren't over, but hey! that was the first place that saw me do it- The way my stuff was just thrown on the floor, the mirror, the first time we attempted to use a butt plug, the first time you saw me cry and the first time we told each other I love you

Lately I've been watching you sleep. You're so incredibly handsome and cute. I don't care if life takes a minute from my life every time I say I love you. I could live to be only 40, and I'd be happy to have those 18 years with you. I want nothing more. 

I know I didn't write an entry for our 1-year meeting anniversary. Doesn't mean I didn't think about it!

And honestly all I can think about right now is going to visit you and stay for two glorious weeks. We are almost past the 100-hours mark. SO GODDAMN CLOSE!

I love you, gorgeous Monkey.

I loved you a year ago and I love you now.

♡

Lupe 2.0

Remember what I told you a few months ago while we were parking in front of the house on Payne? What I told you about how I think Lupe influenced my taste in men? The more I think about it, the more I believe is completely true.

I never met Lupe, not that I remember. But apparently that didn't stop my very young self from being amazed and enamored with the idea of a man who could be manly and yet so soft. Just hearing my dad describing how that man treated my aunt, how he spent all the nights necessary at the hospital next to her...

Ever since, I've always wanted a strong man. Strong enough to carry disgraces, to stand when death comes, strong enough to cry and strong enough to stand next to me; a handsome man with a smile that melts the poles, with a sense of style that makes him unique and a way to carry himself that makes me shake every time I lay my eyes upon him; I've always wanted a soft man. I like to describe it as a man with an artist soul but minus the drama and inconsistency, a man whose touch is soft and comforting, a soft man that understand and appreciates the details in life, who likes to read in silence and cuddle, who likes to cook and laugh, someone who can see beyond his point of view and be empathic, who can understand and respect what I feel.

I thought this was all I wanted, until I met you. You showed me I wanted all of the above AND MORE. I wanted a man who would let me be myself and love me for it, fall in love with that.  I realized a wanted a man who could be his own self: smart, original, with style and yet enjoy what I am. A man I trusted so much I would let him influence what I can become, I would let him help me grow. A strong, handsome, soft, understanding, respectful and loving man....

And now I have him. I share him with life. 

I finally got my own Lupe. 

I finally got my Cody Cole.

Thank you for falling in love with everything that I am, thank you for being just you.

I love you so incredibly much. You're the man I've always wanted to share my eternity with.

Ah mwah! 

♡